Between about 1861 and 1906 American satirist Ambrose Bierce published a series of satirical definitions skewering the conventions of his day.  Eventually published as The Devil’s Dictionary, Bierce’s work is still read today; albeit the definitions are dated by the passage of time.

I’ve been working for some time on a work titled,The Devil’s Dictionary Too.  Updating a few of Bierce's definitions and, creating some of my own.

I thought you might enjoy a few of the definitions I’ve come up with regarding political and environmental issues.

Hopefully the book will be published next year.

Enjoy.

 Abnormal, adj.  One who thinks before accepting the precepts of an activist organization; especially an organization dedicated to environmental causes.

Usage:  Ann’s insistence on proof that the red whales of Mars really are an endangered species was seen as abnormal by fundraisers for the Save The Red Whales Of Mars Society.  “Not a single red whale has ever been found in the oceans of Mars,” the society scientists put forward in answer to Ann’s inquiries.  “Proof that global warming has endangered an entire species and that Ann is not quite normal in questioning our ethics.”

Bush’s Fault, n.  A geological feature recently discovered beneath Washington D. C. with branches running beneath both the White House and the nation’s legislative chambers.  The feature is commonly considered to be the source of all social, political and geophysical disruption worldwide (See Climate Change). 

Usage:  The discussion surrounding the size of the national debt caused seismic disruptions  (attributable to Bush’s Fault) in the ability of Congress to do business as usual.

Checks and Balances, n.  The American system of assuring all citizens have a chance to participate in their government.  Congress writes the checks and taxpayers are expected to provide the balances. 

Climate Change, n.  1. A meteorological phenomena many attribute to Bush’s Fault.  2. A rainmaker for fundraisers raising money to support the efforts of political parties and pop-environmental groups. 

Usage:  The recent ice age ended as the result of climate change brought about by the invention of coal fired power plants and the subsequent shipment of coal from Wyoming to China by Cro-Magnon man. 

Global Cooling, n.  1. A meteorological phenomena many attribute to Bush’s Fault.  2. A rainmaker for fundraisers raising money to support the efforts of political parties and pop-environmental groups. 

Usage:  First identified in the 1950s (but still the result of Bush’s Fault) as the likely end to life as we know it in North America due to the mile deep sheet of ice predicted to cover the entire continental plate sometime near the end of the century.

Global Warming, n.  1. A meteorological phenomena many attribute to Bush’s Fault.  2. A rainmaker for fundraisers raising money to support the efforts of political parties and pop-environmental groups. 

Usage:  First identified when fundraising to fight global cooling became difficult, global warming is seen as the likely end to life as we know it in North America due to the one mile rise in ocean depth created as the result of Bush’s Fault and predicted to cover the entire continental plate sometime near the end of the century.

Hybrid, n.  An automobile powered by electricity created mostly by the burning of fossil fuel invented to replace automobiles powered mostly by the burning of fossil fuel.

Usage:  As Gwen plugged in to the publically subsidized battery charger she sneered at the common rabble across the street filling the gas tanks of their own automobiles at their own expense and, incidentally, paying an extra tax for the free energy Gwen was making use of. 

Snail’s Pace,   The speed at which a legislature considers a tax reduction.

Usage:  The snail’s pace at which the house and the senate had been considering the tax reduction bill was slowed even further by a lunch break featuring well seasoned escargot as the main course. 

Speed of Light, n.  The speed at which a legislature approves a tax hike.

Usage:  The House and the Senate approved the tax increase at just over the speed of light allowing the increase to be assessed retroactively.

Wheel, n.  A device invented by Cro-Magnon man to permit the shipment of coal from Wyoming to Pacific Rim nations.

Usage:  The shipment of coal from North America to nations of the Pacific Rim by trains of wagons resulted in increased emissions of methane to the atmosphere as the result of Mastodon’s passing gas as they toiled. According to atmospheric scientists the resulting warming of the biosphere accounts for the sinking of Atlantis and the destruction of its civilization.

Wind Energy, n.  An electric atmosphere created in a room full of environmental activists while discussing, at great length, the success of the latest fund raising letter.

Usage:  At two hours in length Mitch’s report regarding fund raising to allow the reestablishment of the banana slug in the Gobi Desert electrified the crowd when he reported $24 million had been raised.  A motion was made and passed to use the initial proceeds to fund a cruise/caravan for interested members of the Gobi Desert B.S. League to the site of the proposed reintroduction.